Shadows Rise "Beta"



  • I made a Beta version of Shadows Rise on Plotist where I'll be posting chapters that I feel are good enough to be gazed upon by mortal eyes. :P

    I think that updating this thread every time I finish a chapter is preferable to creating a new thread every time. And if you guys want to give me feedback on it, you can still do it here. That makes sense right? ^^'

    So here's the link.

    Chapter three is out (and hopefully spell checked enough -.-). It's a bit of a nothing chapter compared to dodging the guard and nearly committing an act of terrorism, but I think a little less excitement was due. Plus, I actually enjoyed rewriting this one a bit more than the previous two. >.>



  • I am trying to read it, but sadly it just says "Once upon a time.."



  • @k-thor You have to click the '+' next to Episode One to see the chapters. :)



  • Ahh! Okay, I'll have to read Chapter 3 later today and I'll leave something in response tonight!



  • I lied. I decided I had time and read it like 10 minutes after I typed that.

    It was great to read, as always.

    Sebastian considered the question. They had discussed it a few times, just laying low for a while in the orphanage. They had a couple of years before they would be forced to join the Guard. "Not much better than the streets, really," he lied. That was a lie. "Too restricting." This part not so much.
    Gerald snorted. "Yes. I'm sure they wouldn't allow teenage alcoholics in their facilities."

    I'm about 95% sure it was this part that made me snort.

    Which brings me to something I like that you do when you write-- you write snippets so people can relax and breathe. I'm not sure if anyone else would be amused by that, but it's in other areas as well. For example, after the chase scene, there's those couple of moments when they're just chilling out in the abandoned house. It always returns straight to the plot soon afterwards, but you still have that moment.

    I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but especially knowing that the story is only going to get more depressing, I think that's something you should try to keep up ^_^



  • @typical_demigod Huh. Honestly. I don't think I can say that's intentional. It's more of a habit now. And I'm glad you enjoy it because I'm terrible at getting rid of habits. :)

    And boy, Gerald is in so much trouble right now.



  • @blackbird I can tell XD It's good for me to know that everything turns out. I might be a tiny more stressed if not.



  • Good writing session today. Chapter Four is done! :D



  • belated cheering

    Kyle sighed, biting into the pear, the fruit cracking with a satisfying crunch. He was never a fan of fruit but after this, he would never speak ill of them again.

    What are you a fan of, Kyle? Life must be boring, as much as you dislike.

    Kyle blinked, the words taking a moment to register in his exhaustion. "Wolves aren't people," he muttered.

    0_1508703229210_41dd9b60-c8aa-492b-b61c-ca390223faa3-image.png



  • @typical_demigod said in Shadows Rise "Beta":

    What are you a fan of, Kyle? Life must be boring, as much as you dislike.

    Muffins. :P

    That meme is the best.



  • Chapter Five is out. Ugh, this is a long one. Hope it doesn't read like it. o.O



  • 0_1509992640454_a1938851-0944-4763-8a95-55094353d4b7-image.png

    I also think that the transition into and out of flashback was smooth.

    Kyle looked at his brother in silence for a moment, then cracked a smile. "Well, it's not actually our birthday tonight."
    "You just want muffins,"

    Duh.

    Gabrielle: elaborates on how they more or less kill Wolves like sport

    Me: I'm still sympathetic to you all and I wish you didn't all die in the end tbh :(



  • @typical_demigod said in Shadows Rise "Beta":

    Gabrielle: elaborates on how they more or less kill Wolves like sport
    Me: I'm still sympathetic to you all and I wish you didn't all die in the end tbh :(

    alt text



  • @blackbird I'm kind of tempted to press the down arrow on this post but I'm not sure if that'll have a negative affect so I'll just tell you about that temptation instead.



  • @typical_demigod I appreciate you resisting the urge to ruin my reputation. lol



  • I'm on chapter 3 so far and it's getting very fun. Although, the Mommy in me screamed at them drinking at 13. Bad boys. Bad!



  • @toasha I'm sure their sister would be mortified if she knew. :P



  • Chapter Six is out! Took me a whole week to clean up the mess I made during the stream, but it's finally here! :P



  • After a while, everything went silent except for the soft 'thuds' of fists hitting soft leather and increasingly heavy breathing. Both boys were feeling the strain of activity but dutifully continued until commanded to stop.

    I think that's a good transition and it shows the rhythm and monotony of training. We don't really need to have an in-depth show of what training looks like, or not imo. It's one of those things that showing it once (and again whenever something new is taught) is enough to show that they're learning this stuff so it doesn't come out of nowhere.

    Off topic interruption: I feel like the main reason Gerald isn't letting them leave until after Winter, besides that they would probably freeze to death, is because he's looking at their defensive selves and he feels like they need to at least be able to defend themselves decently if they're going to survive in a place like Blackpond.

    Okay, so, this part:

    One said counter landed a bit too hard though. Kyle was hit straight in the face, stumbled back a few steps with the impact and doubled over.
    Sebastian lowered his fists immediately, concern plastered on his face. "Kyle, you okay?"
    Kyle shook his head, unable to speak. His whole body felt warm and his hands were tingling an uncomfortable amount. He could feel fire rising in his veins, trying to get out. He breathed in slow and deep, then breathed it out; again slowly. It took a few moments but he pushed the feeling back, his sight blurry and his body swaying from the strain.

    I can't tell if the Enlightenment acting up is because that punch really hurt, and it's an instinctual reaction of self-defense, or if (because Kyle's irritation is touched upon) he's just annoyed that Sebastian has the advantage in dodging punches and this wouldn't happen to Sebastian, or if it's some combination of these, but being unable to tell kind of bothered me? I just wish that was clearer. Or, if it's supposed to be unclear what the reason(s) was, then I wish that could be spelled out a little better :P

    And then of course Jo's swords. I don't think I've heard of those before. I desire to hear more of them, please. crosses arms and waits expectantly

    Anyway, I enjoyed that it was fairly laid back, at least in the first half of the piece.

    "I want to be a Hunter."

    my first thought:

    0_1511119879459_bdda1df9-575f-4039-ba47-3c22330259b6-image.png



  • @typical_demigod

    I can't tell if the Enlightenment acting up is because that punch really hurt, and it's an instinctual reaction of self-defense, or if (because Kyle's irritation is touched upon) he's just annoyed that Sebastian has the advantage in dodging punches and this wouldn't happen to Sebastian, or if it's some combination of these, but being unable to tell kind of bothered me? I just wish that was clearer. Or, if it's supposed to be unclear what the reason(s) was, then I wish that could be spelled out a little better :P

    It's both.

    Honestly, the scene I'm looking forward to in Chapter 10 has to do with Kyle's enlightenment. It's the way I found to go a little more in-depth on how it works, so I'm not doing much in terms of explanations until then. But I'll consider cleaning up this section a bit in the future.

    And then of course Jo's swords. I don't think I've heard of those before. I desire to hear more of them, please. crosses arms and waits expectantly

    It'll be mentioned again, but answers... Probably not in this episode. Sorry. ^^'


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